LIBRA
Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with…you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative.
oh how true are these words… 
so much has happened. so much to talk bout. oh well….shall be another ramblin’ post.
xtreme estrogen went for their first tourney on dec 27th, 2009. i was proud of everyone bein’ there on time. the tourney itself…well…we suxed. there were 11 teams and we ranked 10th overall. even the fancy jerseys and other gear did not make us perform better. i know they won’t make us perform better but aiyah…dunno lah. there are some problems i see within the team. but it is not my place to bring it up. or perhaps it could even be me bein’ too analytical. my strengths are also my weaknesses. but it’s just that i want things to be done properly. not taken for granted that we should be good enough. a lot of money has been invested and more money will be spent in the future. i don’t want it all to go to waste. if it’s just for fun sorta playin’ then might as well just stick to once a month goin down to the field, no? sighz….such a headache.
and certain issues have been makin’ me reconsider playin’ with the team. each time i feel like quittin’, i’m either feelin’ guilty for wantin’ to leave a team that is still so young or i remember bani’s words – to not allow anyone/anything to come in the way of what you wanna do. especially since that someone/somethin’ is not worth it AT ALL! arghh….so comfusin’.
on other news…i thought i would once again spend the new year countdown at home, watchin’ the fireworks on telly. the boy was workin’ a mornin’ shift the next day so there was no goin’ out to party. we did go for dinner with his fam. that itself started off torturous but ended well. and lo and behold, someone decided to go to sembawang coz they are havin’ a fireworks display too! at a much smaller scale but hey…the fireworks were still pretty. so i ushered in the new year with the boy and his three best mates. and in a way i was glad for that moment. especially with rooz and bani. the two of them have been our hang out buddies as of late and we have had interestin’ convos over ice cream, tehs and good music. perhaps in the aftermath of the storms, good things can happen. 
new year’s day was supposed to be of an excitin’ event – UN barbie. but alas, we didn’t get to objectives we had set. well, we managed a little but not as fun as i had hoped for it to be. but OMG…seriously, the nickname is not there for nothin’. not only a pufferfish but a pregnant lookin’ one lah!!! eeewww
Dear Allah,
Please do not allow for me to EVER end up like that. Unless I am truly, preggers.
Thank you. Amin.
ok feelin’ super bloated. not the goods. i wanna wait for the boy to come home but i don’t think i’ll last.
some stuff i wanna achieve in 2010.
1. keep in touch more with friends, especially those overseas. need to start sending emails and msgs. no excuses no more.
2. take nikki out for more pictures. she has been kept on the shelf for a long while now. she needs to see the sunlight!
3. buy a digi cam for camwhorin’ moments plus for its video functions. can be useful when XE goes for trainings or tourneys. plus inspired by a fellow blogger to keep video snippets to look back and go hmmm with a smile, God willin’.
4. get our own hole in the wall. it can be empty inside but it will at least be our own. God willin’, this process will not be a tryin’ one.
5. travel more. might not happen seein’ all leave will be given to paintball. but i would like to see the world more. God willin’.
ok….ramblin’ over. i need to try to blog when brain not so empty. and when i have pictures to share. 
it is almost 3am. i should be sleepin’ but just finished the BHG work. i screwed up my hours for this week coz i took a nap in the arvo yesterday and the internet died on me at night. sighz. well come the new year, i will not have to spend late nights anymore on BHG coz it’s been canned. client no longer feel that the singapore market is needed for the moment so yeah… i’m disappointed coz i had planned for things to happen with the help of BHG but alas, MAJOR adjustments need to be made. it will be difficult but not impossible.
recently, i’ve been hangin’ out with the boy and the two single boys. i’m quite surprised at how engagin’ they can be and i am glad that they are comfy with me. i really thought that i would be left out of the circle due to recent circumstances but i was wrong. and i am glad for that. the best one was definitely the sessio we had at glam. we talked bout fun stuff and serious stuff. but for the fact that the boy and i had an early wake up call the next mornin’, we would have prolly continued till breakfast! righto fellas…we shall go back to the runways of glam and lepak one corner. more specifically kampung glam cafe. hehehe can’t be spendin’ heaps of dough all the time!!
today i received a friend add request. i never thought i would ever have this person on my friends list. memories flooded back and that part of me felt sad. things could have been a lot different if that person did not hesitate. i was waitin’…but nothin’ happened. and so i moved on. but i would have said yes…i would have. i wanted to at the time. so badly, to say yes. but the opportunity never came up. i’m happy where i am now. truly. but coz that part of me will never be erased, i am guilty of wonderin’, what if?
PSSS, i miss you and i wish you all the happiness in the world and hereafter. coz you deserve every bit of it.
ok, the fellow loonie just texted me sayin’ he’s not stayin’ over tomorrow night. looks like he’s gotta cab it down at an unGodly hour. poor boy… sunday is the tourney. xtreme estrogen will finally be put to the test. i’m excited yet scared yet can’t wait to be all geared up and play. but i really don’t wanna play against that particular team. i just don’t wanna deal with the smack talk of certain peeps. coz i know i’ll be freakin’ mad if that happens. the aim is to qualify for the next round. that’s the goal. any better and that’s a bonus. i want us to go as far as we can. not expectin’ a podium finish but i don’t wanna sux super badly either! oh the pressure!!!
i need to start bloggin’ more often. well once BHG is out of the way, i should have more time. i should be takin’ more pics too. but i haven’t had the time. need to practice!! need to practice!!
so many things have happened. i dunno where to start. good things. bad things. and things in between.
let’s see what the brain throws out at 117am.
nana gave birth and iymaan is a big sister. she’s got a little sister to play “cook cook” with. hehe iymaan is such an adorable little girl. i’m sure that her younger sister is gonna be just the same. i dunno what the name of the new addition is. i have yet to see the baby and her mother as i’ve been busy and most importantly, recoverin’ from the flu. so not a good idea to go near newborns. but i’m hopin’ to visit this sunday.
work wise, things have been a rollercoaster ride. i have left maxus media & software. it was not the place for me. i should have listened to my instincts and also advices from people. but i thought i could manage but turns out i over promised them and myself. i do have another offer so hopefully that won’t turn out to be so wrong too. i’m tired of havin’ an uncertain future. but at least i still have an income comin’ in so that will help tide me over. i so wanna be rid of the accumulated bills. damn you in-audio.
i will be off work next week. maybe that could be a time for me to go make some visits. to doris perhaps and terence. i miss that studio. it was such a warm, welcomin’ place. God willin’, i’ll be able to give them some business. coz they are seriously the awesomest people in their industry who know their stuff. plus you get fed each time you go there! heh! :p
a lot of things have happened in the paintball world. i hope team karma gets what they deserve. how ironic that karma is the name of their team. well watch out boys and girls, it will come back to bite ya sorry asses.
as for xtreme estrogen, i feel like we’re not makin’ as quick enough a progress as we should. but then again, can’t be helped due to conflictin’ schedules and such a short amount of time to prep for tourneys, the first bein’ the johor open. that’s like 3 weeks away and i swear…we are so NOT ready. sighz.
who would think that there’ll be crap politics in paintball….but i guess the world is cruel.
home front has also been another rollercoaster ride. i’m just gonna mind my own business and work towards betterin’ my future. that’s my responsibility now. people can either support me or shut me out. it’s happened a bazillion times already and well, even though it hurts every time, i’m startin’ to be less bothered coz’ i’ve got enough crap on my plate as it is.
i miss my friends. my aussie friends. i just remember the aussie days when things were carefree and easy. sure there were dramas and lookin’ back, they are rather silly. but i would re-live those days for sure. ok maybe not exactly but i do miss just hangin’ out with th roadtrip gang, watchin’ soccer games at burswood, eatin’ at chutney mary’s cooked by my fav indian chef and random convos over ice cream, coffee or billy lee’s spicy fried rice.
world cup 2010 draw on right now. well not yet. prolly another half hour before it starts. right now, it’s just people makin’ analysis and comments etc etc. allez francais!!!
people do not know what i’ve been up to lately. it looks or sounds like i’m rottin’ and bein’ super free doin’ nothin’ but the truth of the matter is, i’ve been workin’ harder than i have. only for the future of me and him. all coz’ idiots didn’t know how to manage themselves and not be greedy.
the past week has been tirin’. the day don’t stop till 1ish in the mornin’ for me usually. i try to live the normal life still but it is not easy. that, is for sure. the upside is, i can hopefully clear some of the problems that are on my plate. i want to get rid of them as soon as possible so that i am able to concentrate on other stuff. stuff for beneficial to my well bein’ and my future with him.
so many responsibilities and so much work to be done. all the struggle now and critisisms from everyone will be worth it. God willin’.
life is a beautiful struggle
it is what the title says…
i have a party to attend but i’m kind of lazy to get out of this couch. but i wanna go. and it’s rainin’. but the upside is, the car is back. means i could still go to the party yeah?
coz everyday is halloween
dear you…yes, you. the unknown person readin’ this.
there are plenty of things in my head. i dunno where to start but there are so many unhappy things that i need to write bout before it explodes in my head and well, let’s just say it won’t be pretty when that happens.
1. i know i’ve always been different. it’s always been me against the world. even when i was young, i would be the tomboy pickin’ fights at the playground. ok…i wasn’t really pickin’ fights but i sure as hell would not let anyone bully me. i remember fightin’ with a boy at the top of a slide. i can’t remember what it was bout but i’m very damn sure he was auntie aruno’s son.
so anyways…growin’ up, i’ve always been different from the normal girl next door. in loyang valley, i was the only girl in the group of boys who loved to play police&thief and the many hours of risk and monopoly. I would be playin’ rounders with the boys and i was a violent player; people had to made sure they didn’t stand near me as i was battin’. i remember i was the only girl who showed up to join the softball team. i felt shy for some damn reason and trotted off to join the netball team instead. blah. i should have stood my grounds and just joined them.
and what made me different from everyone else? and this, is somethin’ that has always been a problem for everyone else, but me….the way i speak. an accent they say i have. angmoh wannabe they said. i do not understand why i should be shunned upon just coz’ i didn’t speak like they do and that i grew up with people from all over the world that their different accents rubbed off on me. i didn’t purposely decided to pick up an accent. i can’t turn on or off the accent as and when i feel like it. it just comes. but this has also been the talk of the different schools i attended. it was only in university that i felt accepted. that i was complimented for the way i speak coz’ to the westerners, us singaporeans CANNOT speak good english.
not only that…i was picked on coz i wasn’t like them. i didn’t like the same music or speak their lingo. i was labelled as the weirdo. i was called all sorts of names. i remember one time, i was even called a mamasan. i dunno how that came about and when i went to a teacher about it, i was just brushed aside. and people wonder why i hated school in singapore and totally enjoyed my time in aussie.
2. a lot of the times, i feel like i’m a disappointment to her. nothin’ i do seems to be right. the choices i have made always seem wrong in her eyes. at least that’s what i get from her. i may be sensitive and paranoid coz this is me we’re talkin’ bout but i am very certain my insecurities are not 100% uncalled for. my biggest accomplishment seems like nothin’ coz i’m constantly reminded of others who have triumphed in their respective fields. what she don’t realise is that i was there all on my own tryin’ to find myself. i was there when resources were scarce. i was there strugglin’ to stay alive. i was there when i needed people the most. with recent developments in the career department, i can’t but feel that she is even more disappointed. that i am not like the rest. that my past, present and future have been dodgy, shady and shaky.
3. i don’t wanna care bout this group of peeps. i have enough nonsense on my plate as it is. but coz’ this group of peeps are very dear to him, that i, in turn, become bothered. what is up with them? what is goin’ on in their heads? there are plenty i have to say bout them but don’t think i should now. i am angry. and anger don’t bring about nice words. but this i will say, “you will regret your actions, one day. at least i hope you will. coz’ when you do, you will realise what is right and what is wrong.”
4. i wanna go paintballin’! i hate it that the boy has gotten me interested so much that i feel jealous that he’s goin’ for trainin’ this sunday and i’m stuck here coz i have not renewed my passport. boo!need to renew passport. need to get nice picture taken. need to edit that photo somehow. need to do lots of things first before can renew passport. ok, not a lot of things but sorta. xtreme estrogen may take part in a tourney in december, in jb. that will be interestin’. to see how we fare as a team. God willin’, we’ll have enough girls to play that the boy can take a seat and just coach us. it’s not that we don’t want him but really, it defeats the purpose of an all girls’ team, yeah? but he will always be a part of the xtreme estrogen. honourary member. hehe i hope i can be a good paintballer. i wanna be good. i haven’t been good at somethin’ for a long time now. i wanna be a respected paintballer. not some wanna-be. and i wanna make my baby proud of me coz’ he’s the one who got me started.
5. i miss my perth family. i miss ali shariff, ken kyumbu, maria zenetti-milo, vishali mohan, dheeraj daswani, dennis langat, tony kirui and most importantly…i miss the perth-me. i miss bowling on whoever’s birthday. i miss the chix kebab from the tav and the chips from alto’s. i miss sittin’ by the foreshore eatin’ ice cream in the night of winter. i miss walkin’ into curtin grounds. i miss bakin’ to kill time. i miss runnin’ at nights and the many random dinners. i miss margeuax, mustang and champions bar. i miss bein’ a student and i even miss woolies and coles. i miss the impromtu roadtrips and the crazy ideas we come up with as we sit around, bored. i miss aussie.
6. the boy is snorin’. poor baby must be super exhausted. it is rainin’ outside and i wish he didn’t have to go to work in a couple of hours. i wanna snuggle in bed with him. but i’m thankful that he’s stuck around. i’m thankful that what i thought was a casual catch up/get-to-know session was actually a date. coz now, i belong to him and he has saved my life. i love you baby…so much. more than you can ever imagine.
so i had left the old place. and i am lucky…i just got affered a position at another place. as much as i should feel excited and go YAY!..i’m not. i dunno what it is that is holdin’ me back. but there is somethin’. but i need a job. and i need to get paid. so yeah…i guess i should give it a go.
we were in kl over the weekend for the grand finale of my-npl 2009. karma did well. they got a podium finish. though they got fourth, the team did fantastically well as abg halim was there to manage them and give them stratigic tips and advice.
i was the only crew member there. well there was supposed to be one more crew member but well…yeah. not tryin’ to be snobbish or anythin’ but seriously….some people just don’t think of consequences. they only think of…what’s cool and what’ll be fun. blah!
my-npl 2010 will also be the platform for xtreme estrogen. we decided it would just be easier for the boy and most importantly for abg halim, should we want him to be around. and i reckon we should pay for him to be there. there’ll be a lot of difference…i know there will be. but first, i wanna have the team do more specific paintball trainin’ sessios…
i wanna shoot at peeps. i need to get some aggression out. i’m so stressed out..its not funny.
righto…gotta go shower.
i have a party to go to later at elnie’s…
and i dunno what to go as!
my usual self? coz after all….everyday is halloween!
